by Russ Ewell, Evangelist, San Francisco Church of Christ
"As Jesus was walking along,he saw a man who had been blind from birth.
'Teacher,' his disciples asked him,'why was this man born blind?
Was it a result of his own sins or those of his parents?'
'It was not because of his sins or his parents' sins,' Jesus answered.
'He was born blind so the power of God could be seen in him.'"
John 9:1-3 (NLT)
G
ail and I are the parents of children with special needs. The scripture
above is a very important one to us, because without it and the help of
close spiritual friends, we would have difficulty understanding why God
selected us to face these challenges. This is a common challenge for parents of
children with special needs. Just as much as our children need special help, so
do we as parents. In this way we are families with special needs.
Special-needs families are the focus of this article because
there are so many seeking advice on this subject. Rarely a week goes by that our
leaders in the church do not receive a request to help a family touched by special
needs. Gail and I have visited many churches where parents are helpless and
frustrated because no one could answer their questions or meet their needs.
All of us working in the ministry here have heard the horror stories that break our
hearts as well. There is the story of the parents who were asked to keep their
special-needs child at home because the child was too difficult for people at
church to handle. Then there are also the parents who have been told that they
do not need to worry about their special-needs child spiritually because they
were already assured that God would take them to heaven. Finally, there is a
dangerous precedent being set when we allow professionals who are disciples,
but untrained with regard to the special needs to diagnose children, or direct the
plan for their development. While their hearts may be in the right place, their
training is not, and the result can be catastrophic for the child. All of these issues
make it clear that God wants something published that will inform us as to how
we might best meet the needs of this growing segment of our church fellowship.
The hope is that this will provide a launching pad for revolutionary
growth throughout the Church in meeting the needs of these special families.
This article aims to sensitize, inspire, and inform disciples around the world, so
that we can make the Kingdom of God a spiritually productive home for families with
special needs. Here are some basic convictions and actions that
we must adopt as Christians and leaders in the fellowship:
Starting Point:
One of the most understated prejudices of our nation's history
and perhaps the last great prejudice to be addressed is that
exhibited toward those with disabilities. They must fight for access
to buildings, opportunities for employment, and the necessary
tools to compete on a daily basis. We must make sure that there
is not a prejudice toward people with disabilities in our churches!
There are many root-causes for this prejudice, but the one that we
absolutely want to crush is that the parents or children must have
done something wrong! Recall that in John 9:1-3 Jesus told the
people that the reason for the young man's disability was so that
the power of God could be displayed in his life. God wants every
one of His children to be able to bring glory to His name. Those
children with special needs have no less of a destiny just because
our eyes do not see the potential that God has stored up in them.
It is the job of their families and of the church to make sure that
this very special group of people gets their needs met so they can
fulfill God's destiny for their lives!
God's Perspective:
Psalm 139:14 tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made,
and that God's works are wonderful. This is one of the most
important aspects of building a church, zone, or Bible Talk that
makes families with special needs feel at home. When you adopt
the conviction of Psalm 139:14, then you are taking God's view of
people and will believe in your heart that there is no child or
person that is not wonderful! We must take on this perspective
and understand that people with special needs are just as
important as anyone else. While there is no question that talent
and training make a difference as to what you can accomplish in
this world, there is also no question that every person has a role in
achieving God's plan for this world. God puts the same planning
and effort into a special-needs child as he does a Michael Jordan.
He gives everyone a soul, a destiny, and most importantly the life
of His son for their salvation.
Inclusion vs. Exclusion:
The world is filled with places where families with special needs
feel excluded. Lets make absolutely sure that when they come to
the church they feel included! The blueprint for how to work with
special-needs families is laid down in 1 Corinthians 12:21-26.
It teaches that "those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are
indispensable." This directs us, in no uncertain terms, to respect
and value those parts of the body that do not sparkle with the
talents, tools, and charisma of the other parts. In fact, this scripture
goes on to say, "and the parts that we think are less honorable
we treat with special honor." Once again, God is suggesting that if
someone does not have the ability to gain our respect, or in this
case "honor", give it anyway! The reason for this is "so that there
should be no division in the body." One of the dangers that we
face as we save souls is that we will focus our attention on those
with greater talent, stature, or importance, and consequently
ignore those with less (James 2:1-7). To prevent this from
happening, we must go out of our way to give attention to those
parts of the body that might not naturally receive it. The weaker
parts of the body will not be neglected, and those with greater
talent or prominence will remain humble as they serve those
who have less. God was truly wise in giving this direction as a
preventative measure against disunity. Many times throughout
history we have seen an impoverished or oppressed people rise
up against those who have more. God understood that meeting
everyone's needs, as equally as possible, would maintain unity
and see to it that His Kingdom would spread the gospel around
the world.
Learning vs. Assuming:
Proverbs 1:5 says, "let the wise listen and add to their learning,
and let the discerning get guidance." Proverbs 9:9 says, "teach a
righteous man and he will add to his learning." The Bible is filled
with passages like this that extol the virtues of learning. You can
see in these passages that the willingness to listen and obtain
guidance are key to learning. As well, this is key to our building a
kingdom that can meet the needs of families with special needs.
The tendency we have is to assume that our experiences and
current Bible knowledge are enough to handle most situations.
It is easier to keep using what we know than to step out and learn
new things. We can do a great deal of assuming and very little
listening and learning.
The challenge of working with families that have special needs is
to learn about the disability that affects their family. If not, you
will be doing them a great disservice and will probably end up
causing some serious damage to their lives. While your family
and personal experiences can be helpful, and even inspiring, there
is absolutely no way that it will be enough. Dealing with the
challenges of special needs is not a game, or simply an exercise
in perseverance. The actions we take as parents can determine
whether our children will be independent in later life or will end
up institutionalized. Anyone working with a family with special
needs must understand this. Most families with typical children
(children who have no special needs) will face the pain of lost
opportunities for their children but rarely lost independence.
Convictions vs. Comparisons:
Comparisons are inevitable in life! One area where we must
exercise great sensitivity when making comparisons is with
special needs children. I remember when Marty Fuqua told me
that although he did not understand all the elements involved
with parenting children with special needs, he wanted me to never
accept anything less from my children than their best. That was
excellent advice. Rather than walking away challenged to have
my children rise to the level of his children in sports or academics,
I was able to develop convictions about expecting my children to
achieve their very best. Later when Gail and I faced the decision
whether or not to put Jonathan into a regular education classroom,
to "mainstream" him, we were able draw on those convictions.
While we knew this was not for everyone and would be difficult,
there was no question in our minds that excellence for our family
would mean rising to the occasion. Recently in a meeting with the
teachers, principal, and district supervisor of special education, we
were told by the principal that Jonathan was not only a great child
in his class, but she felt he added something very special to the
entire school. God was making it clear to us that we had made
the right decision!
Innovation vs. Frustration:
Two and a half years ago Gail spearheaded a change in our
children's ministry. She added a program called "Spiritual
Resource Class," which would meet the needs of children with
special needs during our church services. It was a big hit from
day one! The reasons were simple. First of all, children with
special needs had previously been placed in a class designed for
typical children. At best, they sat quietly in the class and received
no benefit for the one to two hours they were there. At worst, they
were subjected to frustration as workers who had no idea how to
work with them forced them to attempt things that the typical
children were doing. Since the Spiritual Resource Class was
tailored to the developmental needs of the children, it was not
long before victories started taking place right there on Sunday
morning! Children were having some of their first language and
learning breakthroughs. Rather than parents being greeted with
the negative report of a worker who did not understand their child,
they were greeted with the positive report of someone who could
really help their child.
The second thing that was powerful about spiritual resource class
was that it ended the frustration of parents who felt like their
children were a burden to the church. They were able to
participate in the services knowing that their child would be cared
for and appreciated. The reason for this is that Gail worked hard
to mobilize all of our special education teachers, aides, and
therapists in the church to provide powerful support in this class.
Subsequently, a number of people decided to visit the church
when they heard that this ministry was being provided. This has
resulted in a number of people becoming Christians, and many
more committing to personal Bible studies.
The final lesson in all of this was that if you take the things that
are causing frustration and provide some innovation, then you can
build something that is an inspiration. I was personally inspired
by how Gail took her faith and knowledge about working with kids
who have special needs and innovated a program that allows the
church to include rather than exclude, much to the joy of families
all over the Bay Area.
Assistance vs. Analysis:
There is a certain amount of daily sorrow or pain that a parent of a
special-needs child will experience. There is a constant assault on
your emotions. Whenever you look at typical families and their
children, life seems so easy. These children simply have
parent/teacher conferences not IEP's with evaluations by the principal,
psychologist, therapists, and teachers. These children talk,
walk, and interact with their parents effortlessly, while for many
children with special needs everything is work, even at the simplest
level of development. Fortunately the federal government mandates
a certain amount of assistance, but nevertheless there are
few parenting challenges as difficult as those associated with a
child with special needs.
The Christian parent must always respond to life as a disciple, and
that means trusting God and depending on Him to make everything
clear in its time. The other aspect of life in these sometimes
difficult circumstances is to remember that God will never give us
more than we can handle. Finally, we must also remember that
God is going to bring himself glory through the situation and in
the end all things will be good. The challenge is to survive intact
and with joy in the meantime.
The ability for parents of special-needs children to have a joyful
perspective is largely determined by those around them. If they
are constantly being analyzed and told what is wrong with their
child, they will reach the point of wanting to give up spiritually.
You must understand that they spend every day finding out from
the "secular world" what their child cannot do and how they do not
fit in. If the Church does the same thing, then it can be a burden
too heavy to bear. The key to preventing this type of overload is to
provide assistance rather than analysis. Start with understanding
what the developmental issues of the child are and what is
needed to help them. If the child does not speak, it will not do
much good to direct them to memorize scripture. If the child
does not sit, it will not do much good to tell them to circle up
and have a devotional.
Once you start with what the challenges are and learn what
solutions the special education community has provided, you
can take the spiritual perspective of scripture to help in any area
where you believe they are compromised. For children with
developmental delays, one of the most important keys to their
salvation is overcoming the developmental block. If they can not
understand or learn, they will not be able to become Christians.
The blanket logic stated as "God will understand" is doing them a
disservice and allowing the parents to throw-off their God-given
responsibilities.
The most important thing for parents of children with special
needs is to be able to get assistance in reaching the many goals
that they have already been given. Do not squeeze out the wisdom
of those better trained and experienced. If you really want to help
these parents, ask them what the teachers and therapists are
telling them are the pivotal areas for progress and what they think
as well. Give them the help, time, and assistance to do these
things. Show a mix of compassion and empathy, but resist the
temptation to feel pity (an emotion that makes a person feel less
rather than making them feel more). If you stand by them, help
them reach their goals and do the things that they already know
they have to do, then you will have done far more good than to
come in out of the blue with your own agenda.
The kingdom of God is the most flexible, caring, and innovative
place on earth! We have learned to help those in entertainment,
sports, and business. We have learned to mold schedules in the
church, and develop support groups for entertainers, chemical
recovery, and those in the medical profession. In every case we
were willing to do this because we saw that there would be no
chance of these people being won to Christ in a church that was
not tailored to meet their specific needs. There are some five
million people with disabilities and special needs in America
today. When you multiply that times the two parents that each
of them has, at least 10 million people are affected by disabilities
and special needs. If you look further and consider that there is
at least one sibling of the child with special needs, and at least
one member of the extended family then that means there are at
the very least 20 million people touched by these challenges.
As Christians we rose to the call in the 80's to serve the poor and
created HOPE worldwide. We face a similar call today and can
respond with no less an intensity of conviction and faith!
We have much more to learn in our family and in the church in
San Francisco. We are not experts, nor do we believe we have
arrived. The hope we have is that, through what God is teaching
us, we can spare one family the pain, confusion, or frustration
that could cause them to lose hope or turn from God!
To God Be the Glory!